"The Power of Self-Worth..."

The Power of Self-Worth...

When it seems like everybody has gone to bed at night and it's just me that is wide awake; that's when I am in tune with my thoughts. I try to discard thoughts perpetuated by prior stirrings like what I just read or heard. I just want the grace of God in control of my heart & soul especially when I'm writing. And let His presence wraps around my thoughts...

There are many things I want to write; I want to share. But sometimes what I think is not as important as what God wants to unveil in me: my self worth not only as a woman, a mom, a teacher, a daughter, a friend, a sister, a writer but as a recipient of His grace, mercy & love.

After all everything that I was, I am and my tomorrows come solely from him. I've always known that I wouldn't be near happy, content or fulfilled if I lead my life on my own without my faith of a supreme God. I guess, how I view myself , my perspective about me or my self-esteem had a lot influence of how I was brought up in a  big family of 9 siblings, mom and dad. And being the 4th child, I consider that now to be a good juxtaposition.

I remember that there was a Bible at home. Although it wasn't read to us, I know its presence there was symbolic. I just wish that I dared to read it. And I finally did at my freshman year in college. That was the first time I read it" from cover to cover." Funny to think about it now because my only reason in reading at that time was to somehow be converted from Catholicism to something more...
I even ended up going to a dormitory where the nuns enforced curfew; be at the residence not later than 8pm, seven days a week. That was why maybe, I transferred to a Bible School dormitory as my board and lodging while I still commuted to a university for a year, at least.

Who would ever know that all these easy transitions in my spiritual journey will prove to be a prelude to something I would have to call an emissary to my life? On thing that I take pride was my in-between achievements in my college years. Two of my English professors had always been so attuned and believed in me. One of them even got me a volunteer job on the nearby radio station where I did some public service announcements periodically. I was so consumed with the activities I was involved in at the university. I was a member of the University G-Clef; the Theater Guild, the Bowling tournament and I was the student governor for the Arts and Sciences department. Whenever there was a school rally, I was there, too holding a signpost for a radical change in the school system.
Oh, I was busy, content and felt needed to help others with what I can. I may have had lived frugally, but that gave me my sense of better tomorrows.

So early on, I already have established how I want to be perceived...and that continued into my first five years of teaching. The same achievements in line with what is expected of me. I never really did any illegal drugs or smoke  and drink alcohol/liquor. I could have had been easily astray or fallen hard because temptations were within my reach. Somehow I already made a decision that I'm not going to intoxicate my body. And I'm still doing it with that admonition that my body is God's temple. Although I'm not strong in other aspects of life, my views of myself since I was nine years old is a hierarchy. It didn't come easy...At times I was chasing for" silver bullets" to problems that only God can deliver me from.

I believe that in my journey of finding what makes me tick; what really moves me and what gives me joy, happiness and what makes me alive and well is the truth that God has bestowed upon me: the power of self-worth that stems from His grace.

Thanks for reading...You guys, take care always!