Happy New Year, 2020!

I & my good friend Senaida went to Destiny Church for a New Year's service tonight. This is our 4th year of celebrating it this way. It was packed. That made me happy to know that people still flock to be in the house of God.
The Praise & Worship Team was like a rainbow of talents. They sang songs that made the congregation participated and when they're finished, I know the pastor is already pumped to deliver the message. When the title of his message flashed to the big screen, "Dream, " I felt my spiritual rhythm alluding it. I told myself the title is too broad that it can't hit its mark that it's not going to illuminate people's dreams, whatever they may be. However, just as soon as I realized that I just put a limit in what God's anointing power to break through on the message, right there and then, I repented on that pre-judgment I just made. 
By the way, the Dream was just the prelude to what the context of the whole message. It is about continuing to dream, see the vision and let these come to pass. Your dream may not have yielded fruits and remained dry for a long time but tomorrow is another day to dream that it's going to come to pass. "Let it rain Lord...that the year 2020 is all about you putting your dreams in the crown of my head and heart. My dreams are made of flesh, I know that that's why I no longer believe on my dreams. What I want and need is to pursue your dreams and visions for my life. Let not my heart miss my calling or purpose for in there lies my triumph and victory in you...

I pray that life is better for everyone in 2020.

"Have A Very Blessed, Happy Thanksgiving"

Every 4th Thursday of November of each year, we celebrate Thanksgiving Day. This is the day when we consciously set aside everything that is not pleasing to the eyes of the Lord and just let your heart rejoice in thanking Him for everything that he has helped us come out stronger and lessons learned.

Thank You To All Of You that visit my page and read my thoughts even when you know that my words are lacking luster. 

God Bless and pray in agreement with me that Today is a great day for Family fellowships, reunions, and savoring Food in His Holy name, Jesus. I pray that every soul that is not in attendance at the family dining table because of distance, service-oath commitment like the Arm Forces Members, be with them Lord. And to those who had backslidden, the prodigal sons and daughters, may this be the day of salvation and let them come home.

Thank You God for who you are, "the light in the darkness." 

 Happy Happy Thanksgiving!

Remembering You With Gratitude...

I may never know the depth of your colors had it not been for Autumn...Leaves of your kind leave me breathless whether you're up there attached on a branch or more so scattered on the ground waiting to be put in someones's palm--that would be me!

Thank God for November month. I would be soon a year older. Nevertheless, thank you for the memories you brought me in my golden years...

Happy Happy First day of November!

Happy 13th Birthday Tootsie...

"Cocoa's Footprints Forever Rested In My Heart..."

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"That day was coming" for you my beloved Cocoa to be free of pain from arthritis and renal failure. I just didn't know when. A thousand times I had to wrestle with what is right for Cocoa. I watched close to a hundred videos to when is the right time to let your pet go. I've read many blogs and countless comments referencing my ordeal. I've sought advice from people who had experienced the pain of eventually putting their pets esp. dogs to their eternal sleep. Nothing seems to give me solace...
But the one thing that stuck with me to all of these "seeking" for the truth is what Cocoa's Vet said that it will be completely my decision, not others' perspective and there will be no passing judgment whatsoever. And that I have to consider the silver lining that Cocoa leaves some kind of dignity. After all, euthanasia is the most merciful favor you give your precious dog for such a time as this...a Christian couple told me.

And so that day came...
It was on the 26th of August. 
Coming downstairs at 6: am was a beautiful sight. Cocoa perked up, very slowly got up from sleeping down the edge of the couch. There, she waited for me to shout her name in a high pitched voice and I proceeded to pet her. For some unexplainable reason, she was a picture of a very happy dog: wagging tail, sweet face, bright eyes & just strutting by me towards the kitchen. She even licked my right leg that early morning. She waited patiently in her corner as she did for 14 years for her breakfast to be served. Cocoa had always been a great enthusiast for Science Diet food with a little portion of meat just enough to taste like human food. But no matter how much she wanted to please me to devour her food, she could just take a handful or maybe two. Having multiple health issues, I know she couldn't eat that much but still drinking the same amount of water.
She showed me that morning before I left for my first day of school to teach that she let me know that she still got it--all the routine she performed knowing somehow it was gonna be the last time.

That was the sign I prayed for...!

My son Josh drove my car as I stayed at the back, cuddling her. Oh. how I painstakingly struggled not to show any kind of sad emotion. I figuratively squeezed my heart valves not to cry and just pretend that we were going for a regular Vet appointment. On the way to the Vet hospital, we stopped by McDonald to buy Cocoa a hamburger and vanilla yogurt. She ate that hamburger like it was her last day. She didn't care about the vanilla yogurt so Joshua ate it with gusto.

If ever you had loved a dog, you know how hard it is to watch your dog loses her vitality, her senses, her equilibrium but her love & loyalty to you remain intact, undisturbed without a flaw.
For the last 2 months, I was her Hospice furry mom. I didn't blink or complain about what I had to do to keep her clean and loved. I owe her that much and more so, love her that much that at the end of the day, I had to honor and celebrate her life with me by doing the right thing for her--not to keep her longer for me but to let her go while she could still remember me, us...the forever bond I will carry wherever I am or will be.

So, when we got to the hospital, they put us in a room. TheVet asked me twice if I wanted to be present for the procedure. I said: "I am. I had prepared my heart for this." My son was hesitant to take pictures on the last moment of her life. But I insisted on capturing it. I understand the underlying pinnings of being there watching your loved one dies but for me, I wanted to feel her last heartbeat by me; and having had that opportunity I will always marvel it with all my love.

It was very quick...not even a minute that after the syringe was injected to her leg, she was gone. Meaning, Cocoa was more than ready. She was so tired. I knew that it was her choice, too, if only she could talk. Only then I realized that her love and loyalty swing along with me... Then it was time for me to let it out, all the tears I withheld so hard so she won't be distressed and emotionally charged. Nothing you can tell me at that moment will I hear. The Vet advised me to take a deep breath that my pain might overtake me. In that very moment, I wanted to...and I did. All the pent-up grief reverberated in that hospital walls. I almost lost it completely.
She was sleeping like a big puppy dog in my arms. I had her ashes in a beautiful ceramic vase resting on my fireplace ledge; her beautiful paws printed out in a card and some of her chocolate hair or coat saved in a little jar.
Fourteen years and twenty-two days may be enough to some, and perhaps for some, I should be thankful that she exceeded her life expectancy because dogs live for only a decade and if lucky enough, 4 years is an overflow...

Three weeks to date, I'm still grieving. However, one day very soon, that day will come when all I have left is pure gratitude and thankfulness that God let me had her this long. 

I love you, Cocoa!

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Happy Happy Birthday, Cocoa!

It's your birthday my beautiful, wonderful, loyal, intelligent, courageous, kind, loving, quirky dog, Cocoa! You are more than a very sweet chocolate lab to me. You are my forever muse, my blessing from God. I hope that in your "doggie" mind & heart that you understand how very grateful I am to be your mom. You are an inspiration to me. My heart is in a better place because of you. You are the reason why I'm not obese. You always encourage me to go walk with you in recreation parks, by the pond, creek and even in the meadows which we love the most. I see the trees and flowers more robust & the grass greener because of your perception of them. Everything that is close to my heart you seem to recognize it. One afternoon, I was playing guitar and singing "At your Feet" by Melissa Greene version and you were asleep where I could see you so content sleeping, so I thought. But when I hit the chorus of the song, you were barking to match the melody. That moment, I knew that I will love you forever. You were about seven or eight years old at that time.
Together we've accumulated hundreds of miles walking/ jogging together for 14 years. Now you look old, frail & very sensitive. All of your faculties and so do I have been minimized to a point where we both need help. Arthritis & renal failure have savaged your health but not your mind. You still can remember your routine. You are always on time for your meals. You let me know how it's done. I remember when I forgot to shut the backyard fence gate, you let me know by running to the front door and you started barking. You know my fears. When I didn't let you play with the other dogs because some dogs are just ferocious and I needed to be right there with you, you understood. You didn't whine. You're a good dog. An extraordinary dog for all I know.
I'm getting senile too in a way but when I see your eyes full of love for me, every moment with you is the pinnacle of our unbreakable bond.
They might say she's just a dog but to me, Cocoa is better than some human beings. Some people commit the most heinous acts and have filthy mouths. Dogs, however, just want to serve you in any capacity, love you in the most meaningful way.
I love you so much Cocoa & Happy Happy 14th Birthday in Human years. Thank you to my sisters Lyn & Midred who came to celebrate Cocoa's birthday. Blessing & Tootsie, too. You guys are my biological sisters & sisters in Christ who have the most thoughtful & loving hearts for animals especially dogs and that shows. I'm forever grateful for what you've shown Cocoa, my beloved dog...Most of all I thank You Lord for blessing me Cocoa. My life has been transformed into quiet, reserved, joyous adventures in every walk I & Cocoa traversed...

"My July Snapshots"

Tootsie is "enjoying how putting her two front paws in that small body of water could be such a relief from walking with mom half a mile then go again. Pulling her out of that
scenic posture is almost a sin

Receiving a rose with your certificate of completion for a church empowered class is
noteworthy. This is one of the classes I'm proud I pursued to finish. I have learned
so much about what the Bible says about life after death.

What a lovely rose can do...Smile

Cocoa, on her feet. No hitting the ground or stumbling...
I wish that she could stay that way forever strong & courageous. 

Cocoa & Tootsie, still not getting along except when there's a fence
between them. You would think that Cocoa would be nicer now to Tootsie
now that she's sick. Nevertheless, Cocoa doesn't look like she's fighting
for her life.

Going to an evening of Embrace Women gathering @ Grace Church.
With everything going on in my life right now, there's nothing hinders me to
Praise the Lord...I come to church expecting, "that something good is about to happen."

"My Fur Ever Chocolate Lab..."

 Thanksgiving, 2015

July 2019



 Driving her to the Vet Clinic with my son Josh two weeks ago felt like an abyss...The vet said, "Sorry for the sad prognosis. Cocoa has severe arthritis with acute renal failure. I give her 6 mos. to live. Don't put her down now. Wait till the winter comes..."
The definition of sadness, grief-stricken, bottomless pit, agony, hopelessness in the Webster Dictionary does not anywhere convey or closer to how I was losing my mind, heart & soul to the bone. How am I going to gauge the right time to put her to sleep? Should I keep her longer for me till she dies naturally or should I end her misery? That is conflicting and debatable. I don't even believe in euthanasia whether in humans or in dogs. But I believe God will mutter into my heart the right thing to do.
Right now, I am focused on taking good care of her, like family hospice care. Cleaning up after her is the least I can do for all the immeasurable joys she let me experience with her. She's still eating, drinking water and still cognizant of her surroundings, home with me, Josh & Tootsie, my other lovely, wise dog.
One late afternoon, this surge of emotion to cry out loud just happened in the living room. I was circling the coffee table with my hands up high praying to God what would he want me to do in this situation. I was weeping uncontrollably. I know that she is a dog but the way she inspired me to live better is more than just coming from a furry, four-legged dog. My life evolved to endearments, blissful quietude that only Cocoa & I shared for more than 14 years.
These days, she's been sleeping a lot. She can only walk a few yards then hits the ground. It takes her about 5 to 7 minutes to regain energy so that she could walk again. I won't say she's incontinent now because I could still see that she still has the zeal in her eyes to live. I don't want to be the one to cut her life short for I will carry that thorn regrettably for the rest of my life.
I love you so much Cocoa!

The only car Cocoa had ever ridden...our car together!

Mid-Spring of 2016

FeeFeeling cozy with Cocoa after 2 miles of walk in the park, Early Summer of 2016

At Lion's Park, Early Summer of 2016

Assuring Cocoa, "Be back in 2 nights--Going to Florida

At The Pet Med, Summer of 2016

Fall, 2018

Early Summer, 2016

At the Pet Med Center waiting Area, 2017

Christmas, 2016

First Week of December 2017

My Music Video Selection for this Month, July"

One thing I know for sure is that music, a good song anyway always relieves depression even for just a moment. If what you're listening to can impact how solitude changes to a grin, a chuckle that reaches your heartstring, that is then the music of the soul...

That moment will bring you to remembrance that your scars are yours to keep. They could be a good testimony to help others fight their battles, helping you to see that you're not alone. Let that sink in you, in us. There is no greater hope that putting all your trust in the Lord.

Happy First of July!

"That Place Where You Always Come Back To..."

Oh, the waking moments in your life are the most dismal. Where you've been, how you've let things happen without a fight, just letting life goes and runs its course because it's hard to grow a hard spine on your back. The same thing happens when your dreams, goals, and hopes remain dormant because you let limited resources limit what you're able to do.

Life is hard you say...It's dry. It's cumbered with human frailties & obscurities. You don't know who to trust your heart because some people don't have it. They're harsh and rude. So we accept the unacceptable ways of people because they're human. They have unresolved childhood traumas and therefore we let their unspeakable behavior slide. They have been hit with unsurmountable ordeals that we need to understand their lifestyle. So, what's your incredible excuse why you're at the level of almost to nothingness?

I have a lot of excuses, too. I live with them not had dealt with them. I stopped envisioning good things for myself. Don't even know why. That's a great excuse or escape--denying the existence of reality because they're too overwhelming and piercing. It even makes your head spin and your heart skips a beat. What's there to look forward to? The Bible says, His new mercies are new in the morning; that you are a living miracle because you're still breathing and know Jesus. 

My thoughts may have been hijacked by perilous times that I lost my equilibrium of faith. I guessed, I never really knew what I'm made up internally; that I allow obscurities and the mundane poverty of life shackled and forbid me to live a life destined for me. I never really chased hard at something or someone to get me where  I want to be. It's all just a dream that sleeps in my head.

Random thoughts like these are pitiful. You're giving the devil a field day. There's that place in your being built with the grace of the Almighty God. Only in that place where you can be untouchable and lovable. Only the love of God can nurture and protect that place in your heart.

I always go back to that place when no eyes and ears lend me...

"We Go From Glory To Glory..."

Encouraging yourself to get up early on a Saturday morning takes a good discipline. My flesh wants to make earthly excuses that maybe since we have an icy- weather temperature
that it's okay to miss or skip today's prayer time at our church this morning. I signed up for 
this commitment just like what I did with the 21- day Daniel Fast & the 31- day of Writing
500 Words and this Saturday-prayer fellowship should take more precedence. I have a lot of prayer requests to lay it on the altar--from my personal needs, my sons'needs, my entire family's
needs, my congregant's needs, and our nation's needs to unite for God's greater purpose.

There was a brief weak moment when I almost didn't go this morning but that would have
been a great loss on my end not to experience the fresh anointing of God's presence among brethren and sisters-in-Christ worshipping God through prayers. And it dawned on me the meaning behind the teachable event on the Biblical account of King David & Bathsheba.
I believe that if King David did not choose to stay home in Jerusalem and led the Israelite army
to fight other nations and kings, his infamous and forbidden affair with Bathsheba would not have happened. That just tells us that the devil is working day and night whom he can devour
and amidst our pauses, relaxation, and downtime, we have to make sure that we don't lose heart
to what God's appointed time and negates secular time. 
After our corporate prayer time this morning, a nice couple I've known for 2 months now asked
me, "How are the children in your classroom behaving at school?" Would you believe I hesitated
for a moment to proclaim God good plans for them? I just shrugged my shoulders like a sign
of desperation and come to think of it that I just came out praying for my special needs kids.
I realized that being human, how fast we invalidate the virtue and power of prayer as it happened to me. The right Biblical response should have been, "God is doing all things for their good
and that God continues to empower me with spiritual wisdom, patience, understanding and that God's
love for them will always prevail." Well, the first step is recognizing that I am a working progress vessel of God.
And that I will rise up behind moments of discouragement and that I will speak the truth
of what God says in His Holy Living Word not what the physical surrounding circumstances
are invoking to sway me around.
Thank You, Lord, for Today...

"The Sweet Victory In Writing for 31 Days..."

My commitment to writing for 31 days is finally over today. This is my final post for this challenge.
I am relieved that it is over. On the other hand, there's a sense of victory for not giving up. There were a few times when I was dozing off while typing on my keyboard and just skip writing for a day or two. Thank God, I persevered. I wanted to finish this race that felt like a marathon. Joyfully, I crossed the finished line.
Thanks to Jeff Goins who have been my writing coach and mentor for years now. I've read all his bestselling books in their entirety. He initiated this writing challenge to all who consider and call themselves a writer. It works. I have been participating in this challenge for three years in a row now. However, this year, I'm feeling more optimistic. My goal now is to write one or two posts a week.
Thank you guys for reading all my posts. My heart leaps with joy to see that my posts are well received across the board, internationally especially the nation of Israel. I hope and pray that I did you justice by relating to you my innermost personal views on matters that are important to me.
If I had impacted even one soul out of thousands of readers, that one person is enough reason for me to keep writing.
Writing is a breath of fresh air to me... Falling in love with words is undeniable. It's words that complete
my desires when no one is there to hear me say them. Words compensate my longing when oftentimes misunderstood and abandoned. It's words that I sing in a song when you're not there.
Words, when expressed in a written form so exclusively and passionately, reminds me that
I can never love anybody so intently without writing them to you...

"Write About Innocence..."

"But Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 19:14 (NKJV)

The quality of innocence (not ignorance) in young children is one that you and I could still remember, how it felt to be playful, open and how that humor us now...
When you're a child, you believed in almost everything your parents, older siblings, and elders had told you. Believing in Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, Cinderella, and other action figure characters like Superman & Incredible Hulk might have been delightfully appealing growing up. What they constituted in your young mind is that they draw infinite power and goodness which we all wish we had. However, as little children, we were so much happier, content and void of complications even when we just had enough food to eat, and a roof over our heads; no extras, no appetizers--just straight main course. But we were happy inside and out! We were always hanging out together as a family doing household chores, homework, playing outside and fun learning that we get from each other. I know that we didn't have more than enough for extras but that didn't give us the license to 
be depressed but instead ambitious and responsible young adults. I don't know, my generation was just so different and yet I would never trade in today's microwave generation where patience is not
a virtue.
I remember when I was in the third grade, my favorite time of day is sunset and especially at night watching the stars as if they were just above me and within my grasp. Oh my God, they were so crystal bright, so incandescent and enigmatic. That is truer to me now than when I was barely nine years old. And then I heard about this falling or shooting star that when you see it gradually falling, you start making a wish that will eventually come true. Not sure how many times I had beguiled being a spectator of a shooting star. I  just know that as a child of this universe, I was mesmerized by it. Couldn't remember what my wishes then but I'm sure most of them were granted.
In my early writings, I had established that my childhood was a gift to my adulthood 
and motherhood. That was a time of honest existence, innocent experiences that you will never inhabit again. But they're in your portals, in your heart.

"What I Know For Sure..."

What I intend to share and teach based on my personal experiences before becoming a Christian is irrelevant. What I know for sure is the truth of the matter when I started walking my faith in
 God. I know that the Sovereign God that is revealed to me from Genesis to Revelation is the same
God that died for you and me at Calvary Cross so we may have eternal life with Him. I really wish that people get it that no matter how grievous their sins are that God forgets and erases that completely. The only thing you have to do is make Him your personal Saviour and Lord of your life.
That means, that you need to surrender all to Him and He will straighten your path.

I think that a lot of people want to be a Christian but not walk their faith. They want to give in to their flesh and at the same time, they want the grace of God to forgive them every time they
commit sin. God's grace is enough but not the way we want to interpret His grace to our advantage.
God's grace more abounds when He makes your enemies scattered and gives you grace not to go back to your wicked ways. It doesn't mean that because He already paid for all of our sins in full that with that assurance, we abuse the benefits of His Grace. Who are you fooling? God knows it all! God knows our hearts. When we go astray and squander everything that He gave us, He still wants us. I'm sure we're all familiar with the parable of the prodigal son. God rejoices every child of His that comes
home with a repentant heart.
Today may be your day to experience His love everlasting. This is the only assurance I know that never changes: God loves us so much that He gave His only begotten son to be the sacrificial lamb 
to pay for all of our sins and His precious Blood that was shed at CalvaryCross heals all of our wounds physically and spiritually. 
Thanks be to God who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

"Give Your Own Eulogy..."

What a topic to write about! 
I was taken aback a little bit. It's true that I'm not scared to die for I know that heaven's door awaits for me and all therein...However, I would be curious what would be said about how I lived my life here on earth, what would be left unsaid and who would deliver my eulogy. What would my two sons say what's the most important life lessons they learned from me? If I die before my mom, what would she mostly miss of me? What about my siblings, friends, neighbors, and co-workers? 
But honestly speaking, after death, you won't have any knowledge of anything happening here on earth when you're gone to be with the Lord. Your quest, zest, your journey through life ceased.
With that said, what will be cherished and missed to mention in my eulogy is not important. I won't be able to hear it. But God does.
But I'll say this without regret and apology; God has given me self-will to choose what road or path to take. There are the well-traveled road and the least traveled narrow road. For the most part of my life, I found myself choosing the latter which means I didn't follow what the majority of people were doing. I felt the solitude of that decision but at the very core of my life, I knew I was doing the right things. When I got divorced, I single-handedly took good care of my 2 boys the best I can. I solemnly promised myself that I would dedicate my life raising them and even there was a possibility of a marriage proposal, I aborted any idea of getting married again. I remained virtuous and chaste for more than 18 years now. I'm proud of that about myself and I have the spirit of the Lord sustaining me to be one. Had I missed out? No, not when you have a strong relationship with the Lord. 
I had bold dreams, high hopes, and lofty aspirations. Some of them I've chased with a vengeance; some of them I approached with timidity, less burning fire in my heart, and some of them were never realized, yet. Maybe because I wasn't pursuing God's will for my life and my divine purpose... That I wasn't living a life of blazing urgency. But here I am in my golden years, still inspired seizing the adventure God intends for me to live. I feel great things are up on the horizon...

In my epitaph, I would like it to read: offered herself as a vessel for God's purpose and helped others come to know Him, a good mother, loved her family and friends and a dream chaser!

"Write About Work..."

Work equates to earning a living to support yourself and your family as a whole. But what's the deeper meaning of work in our lives? I read somewhere and from a long time ago that work is" a vocation, a calling to bring forth our gifts in the context of the community in which we work and serve and it awakens and enlivens us on a daily basis..." 
And I approve this definition of work.
I'm an educator in a public elementary school serving special needs children in a military installation unit.
I see their parent/s dropping them off in their uniform and sometimes these children are still having difficulty adjusting to following rules and procedures at all times. What they want is to play all the time. What you incorporate to make your teaching meaningful is learning how to reference their interests in all activities even during outside recess. It could be so frustrating when you don't get their individual goals to a maximum level of expectancy. Sometimes, I have to pick my battles which would one I give adherence to or what is the priority; getting the curriculum done or getting them ready by equipping them with self-sufficient, practical ways to survive to adulthood?. Whenever they throw 'their fits/antrums, and it's often very destructive I have to immediately shift my thinking that these are truly special needs children and all they want is that sense of belonging and understanding their own world. I get it but somehow the challenge is greater than your passion and it surely is true work for me.
If I have to venture or choose another line of work, it would be writing. I don't even enforce to get paid for it. I want to write non-fiction stories, personal articles highlighting my mantras; putting lyrics to make a beautiful melody of a song, a poem or even writing encapsulating words to convey love in a Hallmark card. Writing anything that moves me to write...with resilience and spontaneity!
However, in my vein still runs the fervor of teaching elementary grade students especially in a Sunday School setting. I was amazed by how golden opportunities can be when you're teaching the Word of God to the little children. Their innocent faces, their hearts strung, attuned to what I'm saying is the sacred dimension of true work and service. There was no spirit of reluctance among them; only wanting to learn more about Jesus.
That was my gift as an eyewitness to a group of children where God's visions on their life are unveiling, unfolding...to serve the Lord.

Day 26: " Write About Disappointment..."

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Beautiful weather produces a bounty of joy and thanksgiving just about now. From where I'm typing, I feel the rays of the sun seeping so bright giving me glimpses of what is to come--blessings of good, moving words to evoke my sentiments...I say that because we've been having what many call bipolar weather here in Central Texas. So, whenever we have a very indulging just right weather, I'm engulfed in its pleasure. So I started writing my 500-Word challenge before sunset. 

Writing about disappointment at this very hour will not help me get into that dismal mood of redirecting my remembrance to disappointments which are too many to think about. Truly, my biggest hurdle of disappointment is my delayed or long-overdue reaction to situations that needed resolutions right away. When you do that, you waste time, your energy and compromises the blessings and fruits of good decision-making leverage especially in the grueling experience of
"ending, halting the toxic relationship in my life. There came many times of hesitation, sadness, and regret that I couldn't resolve moving forward by forgetting what's been behind me all these years. I believed it was all the wrong myths and notions of love that squandered my adult life spanning to three decades. Pitiful, crazy and rubbish on my part but then again I came away with living now vivaciously and most of all loving and respecting myself according to what God says about me...But for all its worth, I'm thankful they happened for they made me so much stronger!


 "Knowing when and how to let go when something, or someone, isn't working--a personal 
relationship, a job, or a business venture--is essential for happiness and success because the
good cannot begin until the bad ends..."
And I quote, "There are relationships that should go away, practices and phases that must be relinquished, and life stages that should come to an end to open up space for the next one." by Dr. Henry Cloud

"I wish they weren't, but they are."

"Write About Travel..."

Speaking of travel in its physical sense, mine is very few not to mention that my travels were never leisure or pleasure like a sabbatical. I always traveled with my immediate family visiting other family relatives or with a group of women going to a church retreat. My kind of travel is yet to happen in Jerusalem, or in Greece for a writing retreat and back to the
The Philippines for a high school reunion.

Well, when I and my husband and our 2 small children at the time were traveling from San Jose, California to New Jersey, with all of our household goods in a huge U-haul truck, that was the last travel we would do as a family. It was a trip mixed with melancholy because my parents and two siblings were still living in San Jose, California and on the other spectrum of life was great anticipation to live close
to my husband's family on the east coast. On our first day of travel, my husband drove for 14 hours. We stayed on a hotel the first night and the kids were very excited that we got to do this as a family.
One thing about traveling with your husband and children is that there's is an unexplainable sheer of joy in making a new journey with the whole family unit. That we are complete and that was it. There was a sense of unbreakable bond even for those moments only God knows how long it will last.
We were happy especially my husband wanting to be living near his mom again. On our second day of the trip, my husband just decided to make a stop to Chicago where his Aunt lives. I was okay with that. The kids too, maybe because of my husband's aunt that had a store where food and candies are of good supply and other stuff that we might need for the trip. We ended up staying for 2 nights.
One of the relatives had a birthday party. Our children had enjoyed Puerto Rican foods and played games with the other children there. I felt happy seeing families got together and unafraid to show how they missed each other all these years. On our last day of travel, my husband was driving
endlessly for an hour and there was this crossroad that we were about to take but he didn't know which way to take. The map he was looking at didn't help. So I just told him to take the other way. My gut feeling was telling me the right road to take and it so happened to be the right one. My husband was thanking me after that quick decision I made.

What I come away with that trip is that for everything, there is a season, beautiful in its time and God has set eternity in our hearts and would walk with us in season and out ...even when those seasons of life meant to be temporary but as you look back for a brief moment, those moments were shared without a few regrets...

'Cut The Fluff..."

"Cut the fluff..." is an idiom where you get rid useless adjectives and adverbs to get your writing powerful and clear. We, writers, are guilty of this fallacy in writing. Sometimes, the use of adjectives and adverbs give us better descriptions to nouns and pronouns. That may be so but most of the times, we overuse adjectives and adverbs putting our writing weak and vague. I tend to do that and I'm trying not to commit this fallacy in writing. Brevity and clarity in your writing are better than embellishing words that are just occupying space. Right now I'm guilty of not being punchy with my words. I could cut more fluffy words in my sentences but since this is free writing I will give myself a free ride to it.
Action words which are verbs are the best part of speech to use in the active voice if you want strong descriptions. The words that I often misuse and overuse are"very, so, truly, which, that, of, too, and etc. Well, every day is an opportunity to learn something better and I believe that there's always a room for improvement in whatever we do whether writing or parenting.
Sometimes I think I'm very bias when reading somebody else's work or craft. If your writing doesn't catch my attention on the 4th sentence of your paragraph, I won't read what happens next. I will end up just perusing the pages not having an inkling to go back and give it a chance... I should embrace other styles of writing not just appreciate their writing because it identifies with my style of writing. How's that going to hone my ability to write when I'm limiting and restricting good resources available to my disposal? My mindset should change to allowing myself to grow to make myself available to writing conferences, workshops, and webinars if I want this to work. And I do...especially this year, 2019.

"Write The End..."

It's day 23 of our My 500 Words Challenge. I'm starting to get weary in my bone...It's starting to get me to write like it's an obligation that I'm just doing it now to finish it because I signed for this challenge. Writing every day with a suggested/given topic to delve in is hard work. You begin to lose your fluidity and your words, thoughts become sloppy. But I have to get over this feeling of discontentment and continue to write with a purpose.
I was oftentimes asked why I don't have a book published yet or hadn't written non-fiction articles on magazines. I don't know. It always seems many things get in the way before I even plan to launch something like that. Blogging is the closest one to a greater dream. At this point in my life, this is good until God puts in my heart what I need to do for "He orders my steps."

But if I have to write a book, I would highlight "Home" where all meaningful events happened.
It is "at home" where you first witnessed what love is between two loving couple, your parents.
It is "at home" where unity and responsibility are taught well among us siblings. It is "at home"
where good manners are first established, where valuable lessons are taught...It is
"at home" where the ultimate foundation of core beliefs, our faith in God's very nature of giving unconditional love and His grace are mounted high in our core being. So, I'm here to say that having been brought up in an atmosphere of love, solidarity, and accountability in my generation
is big and that will carry you through thick and thin and weathering storms in your life.

Our childhood lies all the justifications why we believe what we believe and why we behave the
way we behave. The sacrifices that my mom and dad labored just to give us a good education served
me to follow suit. Those images in my reservoir of good memories in childhood built me good spines to be a courageous single parent.
How I would like to end my writing and what I want my readers to walk away with is the truth of the matter about life is that you can't blame anybody for your misfortune. It all comes back to making
good choices between right and wrong, and putting your faith to the One who can give you "and show you a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding out of the throne of God and of the Lamb."

"Write About Fear..."

Fear of death is probably the greatest fear that comes to mind...But if you have a strong relationship with God, His promises will entreat you, admonish you to be still, and trust Him.

At the beginning of the year, our Grace church is involved in serving our community with our choice of ministry we want to help with. I picked the gathering of old wreaths that were put in every tomb of a serviceman or servicewoman that served in the military. This happened to be the ministry that many people signed on to do. There were about 8,000 thousand graves equalling to that number of wreaths we're supposed to dispose of and if they could be recycled, we keep them in a different container.
I was amazed at the good turn out of people that came to help from other churches and organizations. I thought I would be there till sunset but we were all done within an hour.

As I was uprooting every wreath anchored to the ground, I said to myself, these men and women died as heroes, with valor, dignity and lived out their purpose. What about me? I'm alive and well but there are still times when I feel like my purpose is still waiting for me to claim. That's my greatest fear that I'm traveling in circles not fulfilling what I'm assigned to do in this world. I try to do good in every way I know is right. However, I feel like I'm just scratching the surface in everything I do and touch. I wish God will tell me audibly or send me an angel to tell me my real purpose so I wouldn't keep falling and guessing why am I here for. I'm not afraid to die because I know where I'm going to live forever. I just want to hear God when I stand before Him and tell me," welcome home, my good and faithful servant." 
My other fear is for my children to stay oblivious and disobedient and their hearts hardened towards the heart of God and they missed the Rapture. Not just for them but for everyone that still continues to be walking in the dark. I think of every soul that had ever impacted my journey in this life, where are they now? What about those that visit and read my blog? Are their hearts in a good place?
That I pray that you choose Today to give your heart to the Lord and let Him show you that He 
is the Joy, Peace & Love you've been missing in your life.

"Write A Confession..."

 Our writing challenge suggested topic for today is about sharing something that we wish didn't
happen but it did.

If I have to be brutally honest, I have many outlandish, uncouth, and awkward experiences in
the past. Yet all of these experiences have made me realized my real worth as a woman, a mother, a friend, a writer and most of all as the beloved daughter in the eyes of God.

You see, my worst flaw is and was the fairy tales I concocted in my mind developed by the sultry images I watched on t.v. shows, love stories I read on books and magazines and the radio dramas I heard over a hundred times. So did with the allure of music that portrays never-ending love.

Falling in love is the most beautiful, breathtaking, magical, suspenseful, intimate and inspiring act in life. I could add a very long list of adjectives and all the usage of the eight parts of speech congruently but still don't suffice how depth love is...Nobody can fully describe that profound feelings and emotions you have for someone. I may be a lyricist but still had not arrived to be a master of an unfathomed love. I am not going to be specific about my experience in this field because it is not meant for people to read in a blog. I just want to tell you in a nutshell that loving someone has a set of boundaries, standards, and guideposts you have to follow. Any red flag that you see must be a concern. Don't be blind or coerced or even constricted by loving someone just to be loved. Do not cross the fine line of giving yourself to someone who's already taken or committed to someone. That is so low and it reflects what kind of heart you have, a heartless, selfish kind of heart. All of which will come back to you in greater suffering if you concede to relationships you pursued to be very wrong. But then again, you're in a phase where your heart refuses to see and live the truth. Your truth is what you do; the choices that will make you respect yourself. Sooner or later, the realization of the matter comes pricy for you have wasted your time, energy, and money. The saddest part is you have consciously interrupted the very good plans and the will of God to prosper you because of your disobedience to his many promptings through the Holy Spirit. 

I have been a new creation and a vessel on God's Word. Nothing or nobody can stern me sideways on what I'm standing on now, the Solid Rock, Jesus, the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. My past experiences serve as a precursor to my knowledge and living out the truth of His promises laid out to those who believe...And God has forgiven me for thwarting or coveting good to bad. 

But aren't we thankful and beyond Blessed that we have the God that accepts us and the only one that can love us" to the moon, to the infinity, to Heaven? He's knocking at every door of opportunity He sees open, and yet we veer to the side, against the course of the wind...

We only have Today...We may not live Tomorrow. There's no telling when our last earthly breath be... Choose Life Eternal!