July 2019
Driving her to the Vet Clinic with my son Josh two weeks ago felt like an abyss...The vet said, "Sorry for the sad prognosis. Cocoa has severe arthritis with acute renal failure. I give her 6 mos. to live. Don't put her down now. Wait till the winter comes..."
The definition of sadness, grief-stricken, bottomless pit, agony, hopelessness in the Webster Dictionary does not anywhere convey or closer to how I was losing my mind, heart & soul to the bone. How am I going to gauge the right time to put her to sleep? Should I keep her longer for me till she dies naturally or should I end her misery? That is conflicting and debatable. I don't even believe in euthanasia whether in humans or in dogs. But I believe God will mutter into my heart the right thing to do.
Right now, I am focused on taking good care of her, like family hospice care. Cleaning up after her is the least I can do for all the immeasurable joys she let me experience with her. She's still eating, drinking water and still cognizant of her surroundings, home with me, Josh & Tootsie, my other lovely, wise dog.
One late afternoon, this surge of emotion to cry out loud just happened in the living room. I was circling the coffee table with my hands up high praying to God what would he want me to do in this situation. I was weeping uncontrollably. I know that she is a dog but the way she inspired me to live better is more than just coming from a furry, four-legged dog. My life evolved to endearments, blissful quietude that only Cocoa & I shared for more than 14 years.
These days, she's been sleeping a lot. She can only walk a few yards then hits the ground. It takes her about 5 to 7 minutes to regain energy so that she could walk again. I won't say she's incontinent now because I could still see that she still has the zeal in her eyes to live. I don't want to be the one to cut her life short for I will carry that thorn regrettably for the rest of my life.
I love you so much Cocoa!
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