"What"s Your Greatest Fear?"

For the longest time, I was an embodiment of the face of fear. My fears range from all aspects of life. Whether the source is from physical, emotional, social, financial and spiritual, they gravitate in my core existence. There were many crucial times I thought I was going to lose my mind for I couldn't pinpoint or target to cease the very root of such an overwhelming fear. 
At the surface, I was functioning...I go to work. I have integrity for work; always on time and not really have taken many days off. I'm very friendly with everybody and unabashedly enter in a good conversation. I'm not a slob in any circumstance; I keep my home organized and everything that I know should be is in place. I'm keen on organization,  promptness, and honesty and many more. 

I was very fearful then of how this country is turning into a socialist country and that we are arbitrarily annihilating everything that our Constitution stands for. I was very fearful that my sons are still lost in the secular paradigm and they will never know how much God loves them and live right for Him. I was fearful that I may get cancer too because my brother died of it and many other close relatives incidentally. Fears enveloped me the moment I turn on my car's ignition for it may experience a malfunction and I'll be stranded. I had fears people close to me that spreading rumors about me. I was very fearful of such uncertainty of tomorrow or the future. When my faculties start to show the pangs of aging, I was very worried that my health is failing faster despite what I do to keep up with exercise and eating healthy food. I guess fears, even when they're legitimate, have taken a gaping hole in my life. 

How funny that sounds to me now. Now that God's grace has delivered me from all of these fears that none of them ever happened only shows that we do create our own fears. We let fears in control of our life. Oh, what a waste of time! However, I knew deep inside that these fears are not worth keeping when you know and live the Truth of it all. 
As Donnie Swaggart always says," that's a lie from the pit of hell of the devil." satan is the father of all lies. He is the conniving deceiver. Beware, his only desire is to take away your joy, your peace from God, your faith and your praise and worship to Jesus. He'll use every trick to devour you into pieces...If your faith is not anchored to what Jesus has already finished at Calvary Cross to where he took all our sins so we may live with him forever. Only if we believe and make Jesus our personal Savior and Lord, we are saved. That is His infallible Word.

So happy that I've been redeemed...no longer a captive or a slave to my past. I'm a new creation in Christ Jesus. And I say Hallelujah!

"Rejoice In The Lord Always..."

When you're doing the 21- day Daniel fast corporately as a church, one thing for sure happens: you get clarity, sensibility, & wisdom on things that seem vague and murky. Your senses are sharper and the distractions simply are at bay. Why is that? I believe that because aside from eating healthy food, your mind and body are consecrated to things that are really right for you. No caffeine, no fatty & junk food; no beverages except water; just vegetables and fruits and no social media except for checking my school email, writing my blogpost & watching just Christian preachings, and Praise and worship programs.

And after the 21 days of fasting, I will urge myself to continue doing it except that I have to eat meat in moderation and all kinds of sweets down to monitoring it closely. Doing the right thing has always been a tremendous challenge, and that is in all areas of our lives--physically, mentally, emotionally & spiritually. However, it gets easier once you've gotten to that place of resilience for it is the truth that you can continue holding on...No matter how many times you get knocked down in life, you get up because you know God is raising you up. And through all the challenges, we gain wisdom and peace that passes all understanding.

This morning at 9:00 first church service, I decided to sit down two rows in front where the Pastor sits. I had sat down last year all year at the back near the back door. But when I heard from Pastor Robert Morris that the anointing of the spirit of the Lord is packed near the shepherd. Thus, I decided to see whether that insight comes to light and it did. You can hear the message clearer, you can hear the praise and worship team pouring out their soul worshipping God and you're closer to the altar. I could sense the presence of the Lord...that would be the highlight of today.

In the afternoon, I spent 3 hours watching Ravi Zacharias's preaching on YouTube. Not only that he's so extemporary in elucidating his message but he's so very knowledgeable in Social Sciences that compels us to believe that even Science can't prove that there is no God. Because everywhere we go the existence of God is reflected in us. I am amazed at how the eloquence of words come to his mind and speak it to the core. The way he shares his past experiences in how God has brought him to where he is now is very humbling. I don't think I've ever heard anybody who can explain absolutes without offending other non-believers that in return even the atheists can find God in his preachings. 
Praise God.

So, that makes my heart go to flutter when I see people glorifying God in full measure. I can't help myself wishing I could even go near his sphere. But I have to have that kind of relentless desperation for God to use me too without reservation. Will I ever get to that place where I could lead people to fix their eyes on Jesus? 

I believe three more hours to go before I retire to bed tonight. My day has not ended actually yet. I just have to share this: I went for a walk with my real Trooper, a Border Collie/Labrador at 5:15
pm. in the neighborhood. I told my son that I'm not bringing my keys because he's at home anyway. That was a 20- minute walk by the way. When we got home, I didn't even realize that my son's car was gone that I was ringing the doorbell and he locked the door. I tried to climb over the fence but I couldn't. I can't stand waiting without doing something. I was about to go to my neighbor's house and it so happened they just got home, too. I told the husband if he could go over the fence and try the backdoor if I left it unlocked before using their cell phone. Thank God I did.
I was so happy with the rescue...God really is working all things for our good and I believe and experience His Grace every day.

Thank You, Lord.

What About Crafting Your" Writing " Today?

Every soul has something to say...whatever is spoken from your mouth you can write unto the pages. However, many people decide to curtail their writing prowess because of not believing in themselves. The right people didn't encourage them, therefore, their words that might have had influence a multitude of future younger writers remain to be unseen.

It is imperative and critical that we write every day to ourselves in a journal. You can put your frustrations, your regrets, disappointments and even mentioning who you've encountered and how they affected your day. You can even add your nuances explicitly to your taste. But really, what prompts you to write? What's your purpose in writing? 

For me, it's my personal expression of what's deep inside my vein. But honestly, there are words that only offered or used exclusively when I feel the presence of the Lord. You can't write that down. These words are hidden in my heart. There is a heavenly language that is between you and God. But anyway, what makes your craft valuable is when you make a connection with your words to your readers. It doesn't mean great traffic and a good number of followers. If they dig your intention and any revelation in your writing then you're good. And if they only read your writing once or twice but had transformed their hearts to a better place, then you've done your job. They don't have to subscribe to you any longer. They have to know they can move on and explore that new revelation of the truth about themselves and also influence others...

The kind of freedom writing offers is a given...Some artists do very well in writing fiction. Others do it more profoundly and articulately in writing non-fiction. I don't see myself in the latter category. I can't create words that flow from the creative imagination of the mind. My mind doesn't operate like that. I write what my five senses glide as a unit or corporately. If one of my senses is off sync with the rest of my faculties, I am doomed. It is very important to me that my muse in writing is perpetuated by my own will...

Sometimes I do think that your writing has to be purposely driven by good intentions and through these intentions coming from the heart beckons the desire unquenchable to tame. 
Just write until you still make sense...

"The Veracity Of The Word of God"

Today's  writing post is "Teach something to your readers."
"At the back of my head," I was thinking what can I teach to my readers that they already know?
The plethora of knowledge and instructions are no longer sought in classroom environments. Instead, people rush to gain logical and functional skills and answers to their questions to Google and the influx of social media. It is disturbing that many people let their souls be possessed by these forms of connecting and communicating with others. How easy have they fallen from these allure of the flesh? It is overwhelming to even commit to memory all the passwords and the email addresses to all of which you are a subscriber or a member. No wonder the statistics for people who are going nuts, depressed, oppressed, and addicts are astronomical. 

If we're honest enough to admit that our reasons for posting and sharing pictures especially on Facebook are deemed for vanity to the core. You want people to know that you still got it after all these years and you want that recognition. It's human nature...But there are those that override their conscience and let it stride--no conviction, promptings, and wisdom to do the right thing.
I'm not pre-judging others for I put myself on the same standards I say to people. If I fall into that category of a social media addict with no boundaries then I will be a hypocrite. But I know I'm not. I only have this blog, Twitter and  Hotmail accounts. What I know is that if we don't simplify our lifestyle, I see ruins in magnitude in your life.

I still write in cursive. I don't abbreviate words when I text, otherwise, I forget how words are spelled correctly. I still prefer to call people rather than text them. I need to hear their voice. That's just endearing to me especially when I talk to my mom, my sons, siblings, friends and my brothers and sisters in Christ. I love to think that there are still many people like me out there that surrender their hearts to the things that really mean to God. 

God is the only one who can equip us to teach the right things in this life. Without His grace, none of us is able to teach... God be Praised!

"Today's Make A List..."

One thing I know not to do well is to take time to make a list when I go to the grocery store. I pretty much know what's still in m pantry & in my fridge. If you cook every day and open your fridge 25 times a day or even more than that when you have company, you know so well what you need to buy, what you need to throw out because they already reached their expiration date and what you're low in your compartments, so does with what you need in the cupboards. 

And if you're like me, I love to buy a quantity of food when they're discounted half their sale price. I also know that when you do that, you need to cook or consume them within a few days that you bought them.

I also don't make a list of the things I need to put in my purse because I only need 5 things in it which are: my Bible, my keys, my reading glasses, my cell phone, and a nail clipper. I'll take the nail clipper more than any facial product like lipstick or compact powder.
The only time I make a list is when I go out of town or state to visit family relatives or attend to women's Christian conferences.

My list consists of thorough reminders of how my dogs are to be taken good care of; that there should be a consistency in their feeding schedule, walks, and playtimes. I'm also very specific on how the appliances are to be utilized accordingly especially the stove and the iron. Maybe because mom has told me that their house got burned twice when she was little and as a doting mother, she reiterated to us the importance of your stove and iron and water faucets in checked. It makes sense for I inherited that sense of urgency from her.

My kids are grown now and they always joke around how exaggerated I was and even now when leaving them with a list to do. And I make them comply for I call them up and leave messages on their voicemail if they don't answer the phone. They get it with some kind of persuasion. So, that's it. I know this is not close to a 500-word but I don't want to mumble words that are drifting away from their essence just to make it to 500- word entry blog. Thus, I'm signing off with a feeling of not so noteworthy of my writing. It happens to many of us. However, this makes me feel good that I still write even when the title is at the surface.

God be Praised!

"Writing To My Younger Self..."

What is so precious about being young once is the fact that you experienced & lived it in a different mindset. There's that kind of rambunctiousness in every young heart blessed enough to remember when you're old. The things I did in my younger self were always perpetuated by the standards shaped by family values. That means that there was always that fear in me to go against the right principles my folks endowed in my younger self.
So whenever I made a wrong choice and many wrong decisions in my younger self, it had to be that the outcomes are overwhelmingly destructive and disturbing. When I  think about it now that I'm aging faster than I expected, being young was a real gift to unwrap regardless of many undecisive decisions you made. 

I wish you weren't that rigid conforming to the ideals brought to you by the effects of reading books, magazines; listening to motivational speakers and music that just permeates your flesh. 
I wish that I wasn't so exclusive but a free-spirited soul who didn't pre-judge people outwardly.
I wish that I had the guts to cut off people who didn't deserve me. I tend to prolong relationships that could have ended much sooner. I have wasted a million moments that could have catapulted me to where I wanted to be. I wish that I had written in my journal non-stop even when I was angry and feeling void. I wish that I had been more precocious of a lot of things; more perceptive, objective and sharp instincts on how to handle uneventful circumstances. But through it all, I thought I had loved wholeheartedly without permission and apology. And that was wrong because not every desire you have need not be granted or followed. There should always be a distinction between fantasy and real commitment.

But listen that was my younger self. I don't need to be beating up on myself anymore on what could have been and what happened I already had forgiven myself...
My Northern Star is keeping me beyond my expectations. There may still be tears flowing gently down my face but unencumbered. Sometimes our dreams are stifled because we're hanging on the past. The past may be marvelous and ecstatic to tickle and might reignite a passion but today and your tomorrows, your future is filled with so much more no matter how old you are. And that's the truth.

What is possessing our heart, mind, soul, and spirit must be the only One that will never leave us and loves us and died for us so we may live with Him eternally forever and ever...His name is Jesus. He's all we ever need. I don't make false wishes anymore. Jesus is enough, more than sufficient. I may have many challenges and aches but the thought that he carries my burdens for me is Victory...

" A Good Friend Is More Precious Than Your Earthly Possessions..."

Tell Somebody Else Story is Today's Subject to write. Nothing is more inclined to this topic than paying a tribute to my very good friend Senaida. 
One of her best attributes to me is that she is a prayer warrior. She can pray in tongues for hours meaning praying in that heavenly language with the in-filling of the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues. 

It is a very humbling experience each time she prays for someone. She does it in her own personal prayer devotion time praying for people she doesn't even know them personally. She even has a way of connecting me to pray for these people that are not known to me. I do it for her as an obligation but as it gets more often, the praying for these people has become a joy in my prayer time. Not only that she has helped me more notorious in praying even when praying isn't answered but also this taught me how to persevere and not be conformed with wavering faith. No wonder our friendship is growing deeper in its root--God's foundation.

One late afternoon, I was waiting for one of my sons to help me carry a big bulky sofa to be put on the curbside of the street. This sofa needs to be picked up early in the morning so I was adamant that I might miss it. At that time, it started to drizzle and it was windy- cold. I called Senaida about it that nobody had shown up and I didn't actually insinuate for her to come but having a big heart as she has, she told me that she will come to help me even with the weather so fiercely cold.
So picture this: two women carrying, pushing and making stops as this thing is heavy even when you already take off the cushions. We were both laughing hilariously for we thought this is a man's job, not ours. We even looked around if we could ask a neighbor to help us but to no avail.

In moving that sofa, I realized that I will never forget that kind of compassion and a heart of gold that Senaida has. That will always be that indelible part of my life that even when she does things that infuriate me sometimes, I go back to that moment where she had proven her loyalty in our friendship.

She also has this giving spirit. When she buys somebody a gift, she will not only buy you one item but three items that she knows you love to have. For instance, she will always bless you with a spiritual book, a gift card of your favorite store and a well-chosen greeting card designed for you.
In that greeting card, you know that she took her time to write things that edify and encourage you to be better. 
Lastly, I give all the praise and the glory to God that gives us the gift of friendship...

"The Day Josh Leaves Home For College..."

One of my greatest fears came that day when I had to go with my son, Josh to his University Dorm.
I still remember that my mom, my dad were with me, my 4 other siblings, my niece, my brother-in-law and my youngest son, Calvin. You might be thinking, why so many people tagging in with the move. Where would Josh put his stuff when there's so many to take with him including desk lamps, hampers, luggage of clothes, computer chair and boxes of Anime comic books and just to mention a few.

My brother-in-law drove his pick up truck where Josh's college stuff and groceries were put in so my siblings and their immediate families can come. Everybody was excited about so many reasons. Josh was the very first grandson in the state of Texas to go to a university where he was eligible for a scholarship. There was no way for me to be able to send him to college with my one income as a single parent. 

The university where he was accepted was an hour and 20 minutes away from home. When we arrived there, I couldn't get my feet to get out of the car. I was nervous just like I was having an epiphany of my own first day of college which was nerve-wracking. My mom was the only one that was with me back then, yet I was comforted by her presence, support, and love. 
I could almost imagine how my son Josh was feeling at the time. I knew that he was looking forward to some kind of worthy independence and freedom to be on his own but maybe neglected to think decisively that with this kind of freedom comes responsibility and accountability. I was unsettled with that premise. However, I keep the faith and prayed more...

So, we all went inside the dorm on the second floor. When we got to his room we were very surprised to see his roommate still sleeping on his bed. We were kind almost whispering and really talking to a minimal voice so as not to wake him up. I don't know if the roommate knew by then that Josh was coming that day. He must have had gone out partying late that he wouldn't even buzz. Then my sister turned her eyes to the ceiling and we all gazed to the undergarments that were hanging there. Not a good sight and it sends the impression that this roommate may not be a good influence on Josh's freshman of college. So now, my agitation grew. What other speculations can a mother have with that sign...

After which we got all of Josh's stuff in place, we all went downstairs in this big receiving room where we could really talk and goodbye's for now with Josh. I hugged him tight and almost to tears that he would do the right thing when temptations come because they will come. Oh, God of Heaven and Earth, it was heartbreaking for me to leave him there without me by his side. However, I had to get a grip on the fact that our children will leave us sooner or later and that they have to make a life of their own hoping and praying that they would not depart from the Word of God...

"Writing Indelibly...I Hope"

It is the beginning of a new decade...Just to mention it (2020) rings such a different tune to me. Maybe I'm just being hopeful and expectant of what this beginning of a new decade brings forth into my life. There's this fresh endowment seeping through my veins on its way to my heart. I can only believe that God's outpouring of his Holy Spirit by the evidence of speaking in tongues will inhabit my soul. Only then that His anointing be as powerful as He promised in caveat to the giftings He gives me and yours...That is glorious and marvelous!

If I have to think about the last decade of my life, it was a merry-go-round in the sense that I allowed every remnant of every wrong choice and decision that hovers my thinking and I just couldn't reach the ceiling of tucking it out. But we have a good, good  Heavenly Father with an outstretched hand waiting for you and me to grasp it tightly never to let go. It reminded me of Matthew 18:3-6 (KJV) says, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever, therefore, shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me. But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea. 
It took many tears, prayers, and faith for me to fully understand what Jesus had finished at Calvary Cross is an eternal gift if only I surrender it all. And I did. I no longer look behind my past. It has no power on me anymore. Thank God for His abounding grace. I receive it everyday no matter what my circumstances are.

So, I'm committing myself to a 21 Corporate Daniel Fast. It started the very first day of January. Our Pastor said that if we ever fall off the wagon, we be ready to come back up and not be discouraged. so Far, I'm doing good. It was hard for the first two days. I had headaches at night. I could tell I was having withdrawals from caffeine, sweets, and fried foods. I went "cold turkey."
It didn't bother me much about not networking, no social media, except writing for this blog. If I have to watch t.v. I only have ears and eyes for Cristian networks. I tell you, eating healthy and living right is very empowering. I'm getting better sleep, peace within me and more strength to do chores. You think it's the other way around that you become weak and sluggish for not eating what your flesh desires but feeding your body what you need to nurture its stamina is the right thing to do. It's just like draining out all the toxins out in your body and being replenished it with" wellspring stream of water that never dries up. "
Sometimes, we need to challenge ourselves to something that's not easily achievable and just ask God to help you get through it to which I know He will gladly do it.
I'm kind of sleepy right now. I don't know how long I will be able to come up with 500 words to finish this blogpost. For what its worth, I'm really happy that we're doing this 31 day writing challenge again at the beginning of the year.
 Well, I wish everybody a very Happy and a Prosperous 2020.