Today, August 29, 2020, I put you to your eternal rest @ 9:45 this morning. It was harder for me to let you go than when I had to do the same thing with Cocoa last year. Probably because you have shown me the real meaning of resilience, mindfulness, and living in the moment. You carried your lumps/bumps for three years as if they were naturally part of you. You've never whimpered in pain even when they're aggressively growing in your body. It's common knowledge that these tumors should be taking its toll on your energy but they never seemed to bother you. I would have had them surgically removed but weighing all the inevitable high risks that come during and after the surgery made me decide not to go through with it. You were so brave and unaffected of what is going on in your body. You continued to be a real trooper and a very good dog. I see your eyes full of life until last night. You didn't touch your food all day even when I made you your favorite food which is grilled pot roast. You threw up seven times even with the water that you keep drinking constantly. Then, you started walking sideways and falling and your eyes squinting. These all happened unexpectedly without warnings. They're I considered the"all of a sudden" turn of events. So I decided to sleep with you downstairs to monitor your symptoms. Thank God that you slept through the night. And I was overwhelmed and did not sleep at all and thinking is it, time Lord, to put her down? Deep in my heart, I got my answer without a doubt. I've been here before with Cocoa and I will never let Tootsie suffer another day. Driving to the vet hospital this morning was like hitting every crossroad with bumps and rocks in the way. I wanted to weep and cry right there and then but I can't. I didn't want Tootsie to gravitate on how sad I was within. Oh, it was beyond my capacity to accept this clearly. However, my eldest son was with me for emotional support. Even in Tootsie's last moment, she managed to look up to me one more time then drew her last breath. Holding her in my arms, all I could think of is that how am I going to walk without her by my side. She lived for 14 human years just like Cocoa. They said that's considered a very long time for a dog to live. Maybe but just to appease your mind but I just wished I knew why they couldn't live long as we do. I'm thankful Lord that you have blessed me with the great love of my dogs. That you have prepared my heart somehow to deal with the pain & sorrow of losing both of them a year after the other. I'm kind of numb and it's not sinking in yet but when I do, please give me the grace that abounds. I love you Tootsie and you will forever be in my heart...
Only those who have loved their dogs the way I did to my Cocoa could truly understand that even after a year of their passing, you still grieve and shed a tear that carries the weight of how much you missed your dog. In my case, that is my testimony. I walked today to our favorite park. You were half a dog- half human best friend to me for 14 years. You have learned how to connect with my emotions and have inspired me to be a better person especially in the department of loving fully... If dog heaven were true, and I get to see a flash of your life running vigorously and healthy with a multitude of lively dogs, then that would be worth thinking in the deep recesses of my mind. And in my heart, you will always be my chocolate Labrador, the one that helped me get through the annoyances and perplexities of everyday living. Walking has always been cathartic...It puts a spring into our steps and nothing else matters when we do. People that see us notice that we're there not to occupy space but to tread down the essence of walking the beauty of life itself... The trees that surround the tracks, the pavement, the concrete, the grass, and even the flip- flops and the sound of runners' footwears have meaning into our walks... I love you.
Every Season of Life bestows a big opportunity to know the goodness of God, his heartbeat for us, and his love bursting forth in resplendent beauty. If we are to receive all the Blessings that are meant for you & me, we must learn how to be dependent, reliant to his Word, and in full surrender of our unchastened desires to God. This COVID 19 unequivocably disrupted the freedoms that we have enjoyed for many, many decades. I was shocked to have watched hours, days, weeks, and months (for me, anyway)slipped away beneath the shadows of the clouds. I hear myself murmuring over compounding restrictions/mandates and somehow suffocating the flow of my life. I still remember one late afternoon when a police officer on his car started blasting the siren and telling everybody by the duck pond to leave immediately. Whew, for some reason I wanted to go to him and ask why; or with my stubbornness, I wanted to defy a person of authority. It must have been my foolish pride that wanted me to launch resistance because he interrupted my walking with my dog which is to me, a blissful quietude. Oh Yeah, I really did go to him and asked him why the "all of a sudden" commotion, and he did tell me that they just received that day the mandate to close the area. That was a relief on my end. I operate on"there's no harm in asking" mantra and from there to now, I still couldn't walk my dog neither feed the fish in the pond. I got over it and just went to the other park with Tootsie. God gave me grace... The same thing with the churches that have been shut down with all the guidelines that the government has against congregating. I, too, along with others I know have gotten over the pangs of reality. Sometimes God will direct us to be a discerner of the good things unseen, morphing behind the scenes into which he already knew how we react to unprecedented times of plagues. We may not be inside the sanctuary of a building but we somehow have forgotten that we are the church. We are the heart and soul of a church. If we are to praise, worship, glorify, and pray to God in the comfort of our homes, then we do it willingly for such a time as this. This is just for a season and when God speaks to us, we move forward forgetting what's behind us and be ready for a new season of Hope, Faith & Love. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him..." Romans 8:28 Thank God for his Grace!
