Today, August 29, 2020, I put you to your eternal rest @ 9:45 this morning. It was harder for me to let you go than when I had to do the same thing with Cocoa last year. Probably because you have shown me the real meaning of resilience, mindfulness, and living in the moment. You carried your lumps/bumps for three years as if they were naturally part of you. You've never whimpered in pain even when they're aggressively growing in your body. It's common knowledge that these tumors should be taking its toll on your energy but they never seemed to bother you. I would have had them surgically removed but weighing all the inevitable high risks that come during and after the surgery made me decide not to go through with it. You were so brave and unaffected of what is going on in your body. You continued to be a real trooper and a very good dog. I see your eyes full of life until last night. You didn't touch your food all day even when I made you your favorite food which is grilled pot roast. You threw up seven times even with the water that you keep drinking constantly. Then, you started walking sideways and falling and your eyes squinting. These all happened unexpectedly without warnings. They're I considered the"all of a sudden" turn of events. So I decided to sleep with you downstairs to monitor your symptoms. Thank God that you slept through the night. And I was overwhelmed and did not sleep at all and thinking is it, time Lord, to put her down? Deep in my heart, I got my answer without a doubt. I've been here before with Cocoa and I will never let Tootsie suffer another day.
Driving to the vet hospital this morning was like hitting every crossroad with bumps and rocks in the way. I wanted to weep and cry right there and then but I can't. I didn't want Tootsie to gravitate on how sad I was within. Oh, it was beyond my capacity to accept this clearly. However, my eldest son was with me for emotional support. Even in Tootsie's last moment, she managed to look up to me one more time then drew her last breath. Holding her in my arms, all I could think of is that how am I going to walk without her by my side. She lived for 14 human years just like Cocoa. They said that's considered a very long time for a dog to live. Maybe but just to appease your mind but I just wished I knew why they couldn't live long as we do.
I'm thankful Lord that you have blessed me with the great love of my dogs. That you have prepared my heart somehow to deal with the pain & sorrow of losing both of them a year after the other. I'm kind of numb and it's not sinking in yet but when I do, please give me the grace that abounds.
I love you Tootsie and you will forever be in my heart...
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