"Writing Indelibly...I Hope"

It is the beginning of a new decade...Just to mention it (2020) rings such a different tune to me. Maybe I'm just being hopeful and expectant of what this beginning of a new decade brings forth into my life. There's this fresh endowment seeping through my veins on its way to my heart. I can only believe that God's outpouring of his Holy Spirit by the evidence of speaking in tongues will inhabit my soul. Only then that His anointing be as powerful as He promised in caveat to the giftings He gives me and yours...That is glorious and marvelous!

If I have to think about the last decade of my life, it was a merry-go-round in the sense that I allowed every remnant of every wrong choice and decision that hovers my thinking and I just couldn't reach the ceiling of tucking it out. But we have a good, good  Heavenly Father with an outstretched hand waiting for you and me to grasp it tightly never to let go. It reminded me of Matthew 18:3-6 (KJV) says, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever, therefore, shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me. But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea. 
It took many tears, prayers, and faith for me to fully understand what Jesus had finished at Calvary Cross is an eternal gift if only I surrender it all. And I did. I no longer look behind my past. It has no power on me anymore. Thank God for His abounding grace. I receive it everyday no matter what my circumstances are.

So, I'm committing myself to a 21 Corporate Daniel Fast. It started the very first day of January. Our Pastor said that if we ever fall off the wagon, we be ready to come back up and not be discouraged. so Far, I'm doing good. It was hard for the first two days. I had headaches at night. I could tell I was having withdrawals from caffeine, sweets, and fried foods. I went "cold turkey."
It didn't bother me much about not networking, no social media, except writing for this blog. If I have to watch t.v. I only have ears and eyes for Cristian networks. I tell you, eating healthy and living right is very empowering. I'm getting better sleep, peace within me and more strength to do chores. You think it's the other way around that you become weak and sluggish for not eating what your flesh desires but feeding your body what you need to nurture its stamina is the right thing to do. It's just like draining out all the toxins out in your body and being replenished it with" wellspring stream of water that never dries up. "
Sometimes, we need to challenge ourselves to something that's not easily achievable and just ask God to help you get through it to which I know He will gladly do it.
I'm kind of sleepy right now. I don't know how long I will be able to come up with 500 words to finish this blogpost. For what its worth, I'm really happy that we're doing this 31 day writing challenge again at the beginning of the year.
 Well, I wish everybody a very Happy and a Prosperous 2020.

Happy New Year, 2020!

I & my good friend Senaida went to Destiny Church for a New Year's service tonight. This is our 4th year of celebrating it this way. It was packed. That made me happy to know that people still flock to be in the house of God.
The Praise & Worship Team was like a rainbow of talents. They sang songs that made the congregation participated and when they're finished, I know the pastor is already pumped to deliver the message. When the title of his message flashed to the big screen, "Dream, " I felt my spiritual rhythm alluding it. I told myself the title is too broad that it can't hit its mark that it's not going to illuminate people's dreams, whatever they may be. However, just as soon as I realized that I just put a limit in what God's anointing power to break through on the message, right there and then, I repented on that pre-judgment I just made. 
By the way, the Dream was just the prelude to what the context of the whole message. It is about continuing to dream, see the vision and let these come to pass. Your dream may not have yielded fruits and remained dry for a long time but tomorrow is another day to dream that it's going to come to pass. "Let it rain Lord...that the year 2020 is all about you putting your dreams in the crown of my head and heart. My dreams are made of flesh, I know that that's why I no longer believe on my dreams. What I want and need is to pursue your dreams and visions for my life. Let not my heart miss my calling or purpose for in there lies my triumph and victory in you...

I pray that life is better for everyone in 2020.

"Have A Very Blessed, Happy Thanksgiving"

Every 4th Thursday of November of each year, we celebrate Thanksgiving Day. This is the day when we consciously set aside everything that is not pleasing to the eyes of the Lord and just let your heart rejoice in thanking Him for everything that he has helped us come out stronger and lessons learned.

Thank You To All Of You that visit my page and read my thoughts even when you know that my words are lacking luster. 

God Bless and pray in agreement with me that Today is a great day for Family fellowships, reunions, and savoring Food in His Holy name, Jesus. I pray that every soul that is not in attendance at the family dining table because of distance, service-oath commitment like the Arm Forces Members, be with them Lord. And to those who had backslidden, the prodigal sons and daughters, may this be the day of salvation and let them come home.

Thank You God for who you are, "the light in the darkness." 

 Happy Happy Thanksgiving!

Remembering You With Gratitude...

I may never know the depth of your colors had it not been for Autumn...Leaves of your kind leave me breathless whether you're up there attached on a branch or more so scattered on the ground waiting to be put in someones's palm--that would be me!

Thank God for November month. I would be soon a year older. Nevertheless, thank you for the memories you brought me in my golden years...

Happy Happy First day of November!

Happy 13th Birthday Tootsie...

"Cocoa's Footprints Forever Rested In My Heart..."

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"That day was coming" for you my beloved Cocoa to be free of pain from arthritis and renal failure. I just didn't know when. A thousand times I had to wrestle with what is right for Cocoa. I watched close to a hundred videos to when is the right time to let your pet go. I've read many blogs and countless comments referencing my ordeal. I've sought advice from people who had experienced the pain of eventually putting their pets esp. dogs to their eternal sleep. Nothing seems to give me solace...
But the one thing that stuck with me to all of these "seeking" for the truth is what Cocoa's Vet said that it will be completely my decision, not others' perspective and there will be no passing judgment whatsoever. And that I have to consider the silver lining that Cocoa leaves some kind of dignity. After all, euthanasia is the most merciful favor you give your precious dog for such a time as this...a Christian couple told me.

And so that day came...
It was on the 26th of August. 
Coming downstairs at 6: am was a beautiful sight. Cocoa perked up, very slowly got up from sleeping down the edge of the couch. There, she waited for me to shout her name in a high pitched voice and I proceeded to pet her. For some unexplainable reason, she was a picture of a very happy dog: wagging tail, sweet face, bright eyes & just strutting by me towards the kitchen. She even licked my right leg that early morning. She waited patiently in her corner as she did for 14 years for her breakfast to be served. Cocoa had always been a great enthusiast for Science Diet food with a little portion of meat just enough to taste like human food. But no matter how much she wanted to please me to devour her food, she could just take a handful or maybe two. Having multiple health issues, I know she couldn't eat that much but still drinking the same amount of water.
She showed me that morning before I left for my first day of school to teach that she let me know that she still got it--all the routine she performed knowing somehow it was gonna be the last time.

That was the sign I prayed for...!

My son Josh drove my car as I stayed at the back, cuddling her. Oh. how I painstakingly struggled not to show any kind of sad emotion. I figuratively squeezed my heart valves not to cry and just pretend that we were going for a regular Vet appointment. On the way to the Vet hospital, we stopped by McDonald to buy Cocoa a hamburger and vanilla yogurt. She ate that hamburger like it was her last day. She didn't care about the vanilla yogurt so Joshua ate it with gusto.

If ever you had loved a dog, you know how hard it is to watch your dog loses her vitality, her senses, her equilibrium but her love & loyalty to you remain intact, undisturbed without a flaw.
For the last 2 months, I was her Hospice furry mom. I didn't blink or complain about what I had to do to keep her clean and loved. I owe her that much and more so, love her that much that at the end of the day, I had to honor and celebrate her life with me by doing the right thing for her--not to keep her longer for me but to let her go while she could still remember me, us...the forever bond I will carry wherever I am or will be.

So, when we got to the hospital, they put us in a room. TheVet asked me twice if I wanted to be present for the procedure. I said: "I am. I had prepared my heart for this." My son was hesitant to take pictures on the last moment of her life. But I insisted on capturing it. I understand the underlying pinnings of being there watching your loved one dies but for me, I wanted to feel her last heartbeat by me; and having had that opportunity I will always marvel it with all my love.

It was very quick...not even a minute that after the syringe was injected to her leg, she was gone. Meaning, Cocoa was more than ready. She was so tired. I knew that it was her choice, too, if only she could talk. Only then I realized that her love and loyalty swing along with me... Then it was time for me to let it out, all the tears I withheld so hard so she won't be distressed and emotionally charged. Nothing you can tell me at that moment will I hear. The Vet advised me to take a deep breath that my pain might overtake me. In that very moment, I wanted to...and I did. All the pent-up grief reverberated in that hospital walls. I almost lost it completely.
She was sleeping like a big puppy dog in my arms. I had her ashes in a beautiful ceramic vase resting on my fireplace ledge; her beautiful paws printed out in a card and some of her chocolate hair or coat saved in a little jar.
Fourteen years and twenty-two days may be enough to some, and perhaps for some, I should be thankful that she exceeded her life expectancy because dogs live for only a decade and if lucky enough, 4 years is an overflow...

Three weeks to date, I'm still grieving. However, one day very soon, that day will come when all I have left is pure gratitude and thankfulness that God let me had her this long. 

I love you, Cocoa!

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Happy Happy Birthday, Cocoa!

It's your birthday my beautiful, wonderful, loyal, intelligent, courageous, kind, loving, quirky dog, Cocoa! You are more than a very sweet chocolate lab to me. You are my forever muse, my blessing from God. I hope that in your "doggie" mind & heart that you understand how very grateful I am to be your mom. You are an inspiration to me. My heart is in a better place because of you. You are the reason why I'm not obese. You always encourage me to go walk with you in recreation parks, by the pond, creek and even in the meadows which we love the most. I see the trees and flowers more robust & the grass greener because of your perception of them. Everything that is close to my heart you seem to recognize it. One afternoon, I was playing guitar and singing "At your Feet" by Melissa Greene version and you were asleep where I could see you so content sleeping, so I thought. But when I hit the chorus of the song, you were barking to match the melody. That moment, I knew that I will love you forever. You were about seven or eight years old at that time.
Together we've accumulated hundreds of miles walking/ jogging together for 14 years. Now you look old, frail & very sensitive. All of your faculties and so do I have been minimized to a point where we both need help. Arthritis & renal failure have savaged your health but not your mind. You still can remember your routine. You are always on time for your meals. You let me know how it's done. I remember when I forgot to shut the backyard fence gate, you let me know by running to the front door and you started barking. You know my fears. When I didn't let you play with the other dogs because some dogs are just ferocious and I needed to be right there with you, you understood. You didn't whine. You're a good dog. An extraordinary dog for all I know.
I'm getting senile too in a way but when I see your eyes full of love for me, every moment with you is the pinnacle of our unbreakable bond.
They might say she's just a dog but to me, Cocoa is better than some human beings. Some people commit the most heinous acts and have filthy mouths. Dogs, however, just want to serve you in any capacity, love you in the most meaningful way.
I love you so much Cocoa & Happy Happy 14th Birthday in Human years. Thank you to my sisters Lyn & Midred who came to celebrate Cocoa's birthday. Blessing & Tootsie, too. You guys are my biological sisters & sisters in Christ who have the most thoughtful & loving hearts for animals especially dogs and that shows. I'm forever grateful for what you've shown Cocoa, my beloved dog...Most of all I thank You Lord for blessing me Cocoa. My life has been transformed into quiet, reserved, joyous adventures in every walk I & Cocoa traversed...