"The Day Josh Leaves Home For College..."

One of my greatest fears came that day when I had to go with my son, Josh to his University Dorm.
I still remember that my mom, my dad were with me, my 4 other siblings, my niece, my brother-in-law and my youngest son, Calvin. You might be thinking, why so many people tagging in with the move. Where would Josh put his stuff when there's so many to take with him including desk lamps, hampers, luggage of clothes, computer chair and boxes of Anime comic books and just to mention a few.

My brother-in-law drove his pick up truck where Josh's college stuff and groceries were put in so my siblings and their immediate families can come. Everybody was excited about so many reasons. Josh was the very first grandson in the state of Texas to go to a university where he was eligible for a scholarship. There was no way for me to be able to send him to college with my one income as a single parent. 

The university where he was accepted was an hour and 20 minutes away from home. When we arrived there, I couldn't get my feet to get out of the car. I was nervous just like I was having an epiphany of my own first day of college which was nerve-wracking. My mom was the only one that was with me back then, yet I was comforted by her presence, support, and love. 
I could almost imagine how my son Josh was feeling at the time. I knew that he was looking forward to some kind of worthy independence and freedom to be on his own but maybe neglected to think decisively that with this kind of freedom comes responsibility and accountability. I was unsettled with that premise. However, I keep the faith and prayed more...

So, we all went inside the dorm on the second floor. When we got to his room we were very surprised to see his roommate still sleeping on his bed. We were kind almost whispering and really talking to a minimal voice so as not to wake him up. I don't know if the roommate knew by then that Josh was coming that day. He must have had gone out partying late that he wouldn't even buzz. Then my sister turned her eyes to the ceiling and we all gazed to the undergarments that were hanging there. Not a good sight and it sends the impression that this roommate may not be a good influence on Josh's freshman of college. So now, my agitation grew. What other speculations can a mother have with that sign...

After which we got all of Josh's stuff in place, we all went downstairs in this big receiving room where we could really talk and goodbye's for now with Josh. I hugged him tight and almost to tears that he would do the right thing when temptations come because they will come. Oh, God of Heaven and Earth, it was heartbreaking for me to leave him there without me by his side. However, I had to get a grip on the fact that our children will leave us sooner or later and that they have to make a life of their own hoping and praying that they would not depart from the Word of God...

"Writing Indelibly...I Hope"

It is the beginning of a new decade...Just to mention it (2020) rings such a different tune to me. Maybe I'm just being hopeful and expectant of what this beginning of a new decade brings forth into my life. There's this fresh endowment seeping through my veins on its way to my heart. I can only believe that God's outpouring of his Holy Spirit by the evidence of speaking in tongues will inhabit my soul. Only then that His anointing be as powerful as He promised in caveat to the giftings He gives me and yours...That is glorious and marvelous!

If I have to think about the last decade of my life, it was a merry-go-round in the sense that I allowed every remnant of every wrong choice and decision that hovers my thinking and I just couldn't reach the ceiling of tucking it out. But we have a good, good  Heavenly Father with an outstretched hand waiting for you and me to grasp it tightly never to let go. It reminded me of Matthew 18:3-6 (KJV) says, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever, therefore, shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me. But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea. 
It took many tears, prayers, and faith for me to fully understand what Jesus had finished at Calvary Cross is an eternal gift if only I surrender it all. And I did. I no longer look behind my past. It has no power on me anymore. Thank God for His abounding grace. I receive it everyday no matter what my circumstances are.

So, I'm committing myself to a 21 Corporate Daniel Fast. It started the very first day of January. Our Pastor said that if we ever fall off the wagon, we be ready to come back up and not be discouraged. so Far, I'm doing good. It was hard for the first two days. I had headaches at night. I could tell I was having withdrawals from caffeine, sweets, and fried foods. I went "cold turkey."
It didn't bother me much about not networking, no social media, except writing for this blog. If I have to watch t.v. I only have ears and eyes for Cristian networks. I tell you, eating healthy and living right is very empowering. I'm getting better sleep, peace within me and more strength to do chores. You think it's the other way around that you become weak and sluggish for not eating what your flesh desires but feeding your body what you need to nurture its stamina is the right thing to do. It's just like draining out all the toxins out in your body and being replenished it with" wellspring stream of water that never dries up. "
Sometimes, we need to challenge ourselves to something that's not easily achievable and just ask God to help you get through it to which I know He will gladly do it.
I'm kind of sleepy right now. I don't know how long I will be able to come up with 500 words to finish this blogpost. For what its worth, I'm really happy that we're doing this 31 day writing challenge again at the beginning of the year.
 Well, I wish everybody a very Happy and a Prosperous 2020.

Happy New Year, 2020!

I & my good friend Senaida went to Destiny Church for a New Year's service tonight. This is our 4th year of celebrating it this way. It was packed. That made me happy to know that people still flock to be in the house of God.
The Praise & Worship Team was like a rainbow of talents. They sang songs that made the congregation participated and when they're finished, I know the pastor is already pumped to deliver the message. When the title of his message flashed to the big screen, "Dream, " I felt my spiritual rhythm alluding it. I told myself the title is too broad that it can't hit its mark that it's not going to illuminate people's dreams, whatever they may be. However, just as soon as I realized that I just put a limit in what God's anointing power to break through on the message, right there and then, I repented on that pre-judgment I just made. 
By the way, the Dream was just the prelude to what the context of the whole message. It is about continuing to dream, see the vision and let these come to pass. Your dream may not have yielded fruits and remained dry for a long time but tomorrow is another day to dream that it's going to come to pass. "Let it rain Lord...that the year 2020 is all about you putting your dreams in the crown of my head and heart. My dreams are made of flesh, I know that that's why I no longer believe on my dreams. What I want and need is to pursue your dreams and visions for my life. Let not my heart miss my calling or purpose for in there lies my triumph and victory in you...

I pray that life is better for everyone in 2020.

"Have A Very Blessed, Happy Thanksgiving"

Every 4th Thursday of November of each year, we celebrate Thanksgiving Day. This is the day when we consciously set aside everything that is not pleasing to the eyes of the Lord and just let your heart rejoice in thanking Him for everything that he has helped us come out stronger and lessons learned.

Thank You To All Of You that visit my page and read my thoughts even when you know that my words are lacking luster. 

God Bless and pray in agreement with me that Today is a great day for Family fellowships, reunions, and savoring Food in His Holy name, Jesus. I pray that every soul that is not in attendance at the family dining table because of distance, service-oath commitment like the Arm Forces Members, be with them Lord. And to those who had backslidden, the prodigal sons and daughters, may this be the day of salvation and let them come home.

Thank You God for who you are, "the light in the darkness." 

 Happy Happy Thanksgiving!

Remembering You With Gratitude...

I may never know the depth of your colors had it not been for Autumn...Leaves of your kind leave me breathless whether you're up there attached on a branch or more so scattered on the ground waiting to be put in someones's palm--that would be me!

Thank God for November month. I would be soon a year older. Nevertheless, thank you for the memories you brought me in my golden years...

Happy Happy First day of November!

Happy 13th Birthday Tootsie...

"Cocoa's Footprints Forever Rested In My Heart..."

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"That day was coming" for you my beloved Cocoa to be free of pain from arthritis and renal failure. I just didn't know when. A thousand times I had to wrestle with what is right for Cocoa. I watched close to a hundred videos to when is the right time to let your pet go. I've read many blogs and countless comments referencing my ordeal. I've sought advice from people who had experienced the pain of eventually putting their pets esp. dogs to their eternal sleep. Nothing seems to give me solace...
But the one thing that stuck with me to all of these "seeking" for the truth is what Cocoa's Vet said that it will be completely my decision, not others' perspective and there will be no passing judgment whatsoever. And that I have to consider the silver lining that Cocoa leaves some kind of dignity. After all, euthanasia is the most merciful favor you give your precious dog for such a time as this...a Christian couple told me.

And so that day came...
It was on the 26th of August. 
Coming downstairs at 6: am was a beautiful sight. Cocoa perked up, very slowly got up from sleeping down the edge of the couch. There, she waited for me to shout her name in a high pitched voice and I proceeded to pet her. For some unexplainable reason, she was a picture of a very happy dog: wagging tail, sweet face, bright eyes & just strutting by me towards the kitchen. She even licked my right leg that early morning. She waited patiently in her corner as she did for 14 years for her breakfast to be served. Cocoa had always been a great enthusiast for Science Diet food with a little portion of meat just enough to taste like human food. But no matter how much she wanted to please me to devour her food, she could just take a handful or maybe two. Having multiple health issues, I know she couldn't eat that much but still drinking the same amount of water.
She showed me that morning before I left for my first day of school to teach that she let me know that she still got it--all the routine she performed knowing somehow it was gonna be the last time.

That was the sign I prayed for...!

My son Josh drove my car as I stayed at the back, cuddling her. Oh. how I painstakingly struggled not to show any kind of sad emotion. I figuratively squeezed my heart valves not to cry and just pretend that we were going for a regular Vet appointment. On the way to the Vet hospital, we stopped by McDonald to buy Cocoa a hamburger and vanilla yogurt. She ate that hamburger like it was her last day. She didn't care about the vanilla yogurt so Joshua ate it with gusto.

If ever you had loved a dog, you know how hard it is to watch your dog loses her vitality, her senses, her equilibrium but her love & loyalty to you remain intact, undisturbed without a flaw.
For the last 2 months, I was her Hospice furry mom. I didn't blink or complain about what I had to do to keep her clean and loved. I owe her that much and more so, love her that much that at the end of the day, I had to honor and celebrate her life with me by doing the right thing for her--not to keep her longer for me but to let her go while she could still remember me, us...the forever bond I will carry wherever I am or will be.

So, when we got to the hospital, they put us in a room. TheVet asked me twice if I wanted to be present for the procedure. I said: "I am. I had prepared my heart for this." My son was hesitant to take pictures on the last moment of her life. But I insisted on capturing it. I understand the underlying pinnings of being there watching your loved one dies but for me, I wanted to feel her last heartbeat by me; and having had that opportunity I will always marvel it with all my love.

It was very quick...not even a minute that after the syringe was injected to her leg, she was gone. Meaning, Cocoa was more than ready. She was so tired. I knew that it was her choice, too, if only she could talk. Only then I realized that her love and loyalty swing along with me... Then it was time for me to let it out, all the tears I withheld so hard so she won't be distressed and emotionally charged. Nothing you can tell me at that moment will I hear. The Vet advised me to take a deep breath that my pain might overtake me. In that very moment, I wanted to...and I did. All the pent-up grief reverberated in that hospital walls. I almost lost it completely.
She was sleeping like a big puppy dog in my arms. I had her ashes in a beautiful ceramic vase resting on my fireplace ledge; her beautiful paws printed out in a card and some of her chocolate hair or coat saved in a little jar.
Fourteen years and twenty-two days may be enough to some, and perhaps for some, I should be thankful that she exceeded her life expectancy because dogs live for only a decade and if lucky enough, 4 years is an overflow...

Three weeks to date, I'm still grieving. However, one day very soon, that day will come when all I have left is pure gratitude and thankfulness that God let me had her this long. 

I love you, Cocoa!

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