"September Is Here...!

I feel a limp in my body. I feel some kind of numbness, a gaping hole to my heart. I know the pain and the sorrow that losing a beloved dog bring will eventually dissipate and I may want to adopt a dog again. But for now, I need to give myself time to grieve and not try to come up with substitutes to self-denial. I'm not going to subject myself to that. If I feel like crying, I will cry. If I feel like snapping at someone with some kind of provocation, I will not render an apology because I'm hurting inside. And I know those who know me will understand and will just continue to pray for me.

September, a month that will pave the way to the grand entrance of the Fall season. It is a sweet precursor to beautiful things we look forward to in the Fall. After a long, dreary, hot/dry Summer season, we now are more than prepared to celebrate its benefits. Harvest...

Looking forward to it!

Tootsie, You're FOREVER In My HEART..

Today, August 29, 2020, I put you to your eternal rest @ 9:45 this morning. It was harder for me to let you go than when I had to do the same thing with Cocoa last year. Probably because you have shown me the real meaning of resilience, mindfulness, and living in the moment. You carried your lumps/bumps for three years as if they were naturally part of you. You've never whimpered in pain even when they're aggressively growing in your body. It's common knowledge that these tumors should be taking its toll on your energy but they never seemed to bother you. I would have had them surgically removed but weighing all the inevitable high risks that come during and after the surgery made me decide not to go through with it. You were so brave and unaffected of what is going on in your body. You continued to be a real trooper and a very good dog. I see your eyes full of life until last night. You didn't touch your food all day even when I made you your favorite food which is grilled pot roast. You threw up seven times even with the water that you keep drinking constantly. Then, you started walking sideways and falling and your eyes squinting. These all happened unexpectedly without warnings. They're I considered the"all of a sudden" turn of events. So I decided to sleep with you downstairs to monitor your symptoms. Thank God that you slept through the night. And I was overwhelmed and did not sleep at all and thinking is it, time Lord, to put her down? Deep in my heart, I got my answer without a doubt. I've been here before with Cocoa and I will never let Tootsie suffer another day. 
Driving to the vet hospital this morning was like hitting every crossroad with bumps and rocks in the way. I wanted to weep and cry right there and then but I can't. I didn't want Tootsie to gravitate on how sad I was within. Oh, it was beyond my capacity to accept this clearly. However, my eldest son was with me for emotional support. Even in Tootsie's last moment, she managed to look up to me one more time then drew her last breath. Holding her in my arms, all I could think of is that how am I going to walk without her by my side. She lived for 14 human years just like Cocoa. They said that's considered a very long time for a dog to live. Maybe but just to appease your mind but I just wished I knew why they couldn't live long as we do. 
I'm thankful Lord that you have blessed me with the great love of my dogs. That you have prepared my heart somehow to deal with the pain & sorrow of losing both of them a year after the other. I'm kind of numb and it's not sinking in yet but when I do, please give me the grace that abounds.

I love you Tootsie and you will forever be in my heart...

"A Year After You Were Gone..."

 Only those who have loved their dogs the way I did to my Cocoa could truly understand that even after a year of their passing, you still grieve and shed a tear that carries the weight of how much you missed your dog.
In my case, that is my testimony.
 I walked today to our favorite park. You were half a dog- half human best friend to me for 14 years. You have learned how to connect with my emotions and have inspired me to be a better person especially in the department of loving fully...
If dog heaven were true, and I get to see a flash of your life running vigorously and healthy with a multitude of lively dogs, then that would be worth thinking in the deep recesses of my mind. And in my heart, you will always be my chocolate Labrador, the one that helped me get through the annoyances and perplexities of everyday living.
Walking has always been cathartic...It puts a spring into our steps and nothing else matters when we do. People that see us notice that we're there not to occupy space but to tread down the essence of walking the beauty of life itself... The trees that surround the tracks, the pavement, the concrete, the grass, and even the flip- flops and the sound of runners' footwears have meaning into our walks...
I love you.

" It's All In The Goodness Of God..."

 Every Season of Life bestows a big opportunity to know the goodness of God, his heartbeat for us, 
and his love bursting forth in resplendent beauty. If we are to receive all the Blessings that are meant for you & me, we must learn how to be dependent, reliant to his Word, and in full surrender of our unchastened desires to God.
This COVID 19 unequivocably disrupted the freedoms that we have enjoyed for many, many decades. I was shocked to have watched hours, days, weeks, and months (for me, anyway)slipped away beneath the shadows of the clouds. I hear myself murmuring over compounding restrictions/mandates and somehow suffocating the flow of my life.
I still remember one late afternoon when a police officer on his car started blasting the siren and telling everybody by the duck pond to leave immediately. Whew, for some reason I wanted to go to him and ask why; or with my stubbornness, I wanted to defy a person of authority. It must have been my foolish pride that wanted me to launch resistance because he interrupted my walking with my dog which is to me, a blissful quietude. 
Oh Yeah, I really did go to him and asked him why the "all of a sudden" commotion, and he did tell me that they just received that day the mandate to close the area. That was a relief on my end.
I operate on"there's no harm in asking" mantra and from there to now, I still couldn't walk my dog neither feed the fish in the pond. I got over it and just went to the other park with Tootsie.
God gave me grace...
The same thing with the churches that have been shut down with all the guidelines that the government has against congregating. I, too, along with others I know have gotten over the pangs of reality. Sometimes God will direct us to be a discerner of the good things unseen, morphing behind the scenes into which he already knew how we react to unprecedented times of plagues. We may not be inside the sanctuary of a building but we somehow have forgotten that we are the church. We are the heart and soul of a church. If we are to praise, worship, glorify, and pray to God in the comfort of our homes, then we do it willingly for such a time as this. 
This is just for a season and when God speaks to us, we move forward forgetting what's behind us and be ready for a new season of Hope, Faith & Love.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him..." Romans 8:28
Thank God for his Grace!

Happy 65th Birthday manang Cel...

Birthday Prayer...
Heavenly Father God, we are coming to your throne of Grace to give thanks for all that you bring to our lives...love, faith, hope, protection, and provision in all aspects of our lives.
We thank you, Father God, for this divine opportunity that we're able to be together as one big loving family to celebrate manang Cel's 65th birthday tonight. Thank You Father God for your presence in her life. She has tremendously touched every family member represented here tonight by continually extending her help and she never expected something in return. And I speak for myself as a witness for that generous heart that manang Cel has and for all of us here that experienced that first hand. She really is an epitome of a good steward of love that generates more love.
We thank you, Lord, also for bringing to us, our sister Meldang from new York for such a time as this. She's still grieving for a great loss but chose to be here just to celebrate manang Cel's birthday. We thank you, Lord, for family solidarity that manang Cel works

hard at solidifying it. We thank you, Lord, for our mamang, the matriarch of the family for it all began when she planted a seed of prayer and hoped that it will reap the harvest and there is no denying that mamang's heart's desire exudes in our hearts. We thank you, Lord, for those hands that prepare a sumptuous delight of food, the embellishments for the party, and the "behind the scene" helping hands.
We ask now Lord that you be with us celebrating manang Cel's birthday with good food, fellowship, good ambiance, dancing, and singing as we give our thanks for this beautiful soul...my blood sister and sister in Christ. Thank you for the joy, and happiness and prayers that you add to my life...

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"There is a Season for Everything..."

 
It is heartbreaking to see our country that was once America, the Beautiful, and all the Stars Spangled Banner that is flying high above our eyes is now savaged by tumultuous anarchy. It is worse than Sodom & Gomorrah. The face value of respect to authority has become idolatry to lawlessness & sheer evil. I won't categorize what we're experiencing as the fruits of socialism or communism brought by wrong ideology, doctrine but rather the unbelief mindset.

Everyone is at its height of vulnerability. We're at the precipice of revolting what's been bottled up in our exile from home for more than 3 months to date... We've cooped up for so long that when there's absolute injustice done we have a ticket to boil all these frustrations to explode. Our minds have become a target of annihilation from the truth and our hearts untamed and even cold and hardened to what is absolutely right in our lives. To which we licensed our actions to burn buildings, march-like there is no tomorrow, looting like they owe us our plight, removing statutes that were a symbol of who we are as pillars of strength and success, and taunting the President as if he asked for all of these inconsequential riots and plagues in existence and what about our religious leaders? Where is your heart in all of these? Show me some wisdom and what kind of life are we promoting for our younger generation? Have we really totally lost our mind & soul?
Where are the real pastors of America? There is no substitute for congregating in the church or in the temple of God. Preaching online is so banal to me and I, too, is getting fed up with complacent, slumbering preaching of the gospel. Coronavirus has gotten us in the palm of its hand. 
 As the book of Ecclesiastes says, "there is a season for everything." We rise up above all these tribulations. How do we do that? By opening up the Church and opening up the Bible and opening up our hearts to receive His Word!

On Hope, Faith and Love..: "What To Say And Do In These Perilous Times"

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