One More Step ...Away from "Ruminating"

Listening to K-Love Christian Music Radio has undoubtedly restructured my cognitive thinking. For 31 days, I evaded listening or even humming to secular music. It was a real challenge for me not to go to You Tube and devoid myself from listening to old song favorites. However; I'm elated of the outcome---one step away from self-defeating, destructive mental habits. Thank God for His mercy!!!
Today is a good day for returning the wrong merchandise that my son bought in an Office Depot Store. He just gave up to negotiate with them because once these inks are opened from their original packages, returning them is not an option. But a very welcoming nagging thought persisted in my brain.
While still in the car, I just prayed , "God, let your grace be in the overflow..." Then I know that my confirmation, God's hand is already @ work before even going in the store. One of the store supervisors told me without hesitation

to go get the right inks and she'll do the exchange for me. I felt like my feet were swifter even with my heels on and my heart to a flutter. And I was thankful also for her generous accommodation in lieu to the store's policy.
What did I actually learn from this situation?
I say "mindfulness which is focusing and responding on the present without judgment." It's more on engaging yourself to be still in His presence and know that He is God.

But anyway, Happy First Day of February, 2012!

"Learn Something New Daily..."

The following golden nuggets are corporately forming a stairway, an infringement @ heart:
"Wisdom is the ability to discern difference...in people, opportunities and moments. Wisdom comes from The Word of God. Solomon said that Wisdom is the miracle key that unlocked life's house treasure. Wisdom requires effort, time and persistence, but is worth the cost." by Dr. Mike Murdock

"Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get Wisdom: and all thy getting, get understanding." (Proverbs 4:7)

Finally, I love this message:
"Love will sustain you & me on the most difficult journeys of our life...Jesus is the example. The most powerful force in the world is love (1Corinthians 13:13). You and I will be judged by the love expressed toward God...and to others.


Yours truly went to a 2-day Women's retreat this weekend. It was my very first "girlfriends' convention with my mom, and with my two other sisters. I believed in my heart that this was a divine opportunity for me. For one foremost reason, my registration fee (60$) was paid in God's grace. I experienced God's grace- first hand...It was more of a trust than faith, this time...
I tried so hard not to be judgmental and just enjoy most of the moments. I prayed solemnly for wisdom and the right understanding for every message delivered; for every song rendered and for my heart and my mind to be just thankful so my whole being could behold the presence of the Hand that led me there...
I prayed that in the circumference of everything around me, God's unfailing love will keep reminding me that I have been redeemed with such captivity--the Past!!!
But clearly, there is empowerment being with exuberant women!!!
God Be Praised!

God...Be Praised!

My beloved son, Calvin & I @ Valentine's gathering this year, 2012!
I wished that my other beloved son, Joshua, could have had joined us, too!

I pray that what I heard this morning from a missionary of God @church will begin to birth the Lord's blessings in my life."No more tears, indulging self-pity and guilt-tripping."

Now that my heart is in the right place, every wound that never dried up be locked away for good and every burden that never ceases to be lifted up will soon find its way to faded memory, destined to be forgotten and extinguished.
After all that's been said and done, I am an empty vessel without God's anointing. Therefore; I should go back to trusting His will for my life and do better as a steward of His Word.
This week, I believe that I must meditate on Timothy 1:7 (KJV) that says: For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. I also believe that "All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness" also found in Timothy 3:16 (KJV)
His Grace be with you all...

Untitled Blog...

My thoughts are like a whirlwind...many times  perturbed with former thoughts that dominated me from  looking up! Really looking up with a heart of wisdom...I wish.
I can'n even begin my day without a sigh of guilt; how I"m still here doing and thinking the same thing 37 years ago.Thinking about you excessively! If that's what you call pathetic then may be that's what I am. I guessed, I have made up my mind that in this lifetime, it would always be you who I am powerless to let go. I can't say I did everything I could to free my heart from the past because that would be like" lying to my teeth."
Come to think of it that my educational credentials and of all the books I've read and all the songs I've listened to intently & all of the eloquent people I've watched on t.v. on or behind lecterns onstage didn't give me enough to ascend of any kind. They just enliven my vocabulary and more words to convey I just love you so much.
Well, this is it for now. I know I sound so ungrateful, insipid and perplexed but this is just one of my pensive thoughts...May be later, something gets me off bay @ this very crossroad...

My Prayer...Today

"Lord Jesus, help me especially Today to reflect on Your original intention for everything in my life. I have gotten off course  waywardly for more than 15 months...considerably for a long time. I have abandoned being in your presence by neglecting reading your Word, not praying on my knees; refraining myself from teaching children as a Sunday School Teacher  and straying deliberately from the things that are really true and lasting---Your Holy Living Word.
From this moment, I ask that you take me as I am...frail and brokenhearted. Let the hovering thoughts of the Past be replaced with meditation in your promises. I know that you are The only Way, The Truth and The Life...
And because Your love never fails---Let it anchors me deeply from hereon!

A Rare Afternoon Delight...

Finally, I decided to see Tom Cruise's movie with my 73-year old mom and my youngest sister. Compounded with excitement, I knew this is going to be a "more than good " movie. I'm actually a loyal fan of the actor's fine craft. Sure, it was; not only for me, my sister but especially to my mom's delight.

The cinema, the colossal screen, and the audio-visual effects that encompasses the movie are for me art forms. Thus, when I'm at the theater, munching and even drinking H20 are prohibited; only whispers of approval towards what is before me.

Usually, mom will at least ask me one time to take her for a bathroom break.It won't be an inconvenience if she did. Obviously, she isn't going to doze off either and render me with questions she couldn't seem to follow about the dialogue and plots of the movie--didn't happen. We all were like fastened to our seats with just interrupted sighs and motions of great anticipation...an action-packed movie that solidifies the theme "love and good prevails;" that is what I come away with it anyway---that perspective!~.

More than two hours of pure delight with my mom and my sister at the theater is more than enough to ease temporarily what's beneath those silent heartthrobs, tears that are held back  and thoughts of raging uncertainties that seem to lurk @ me any given time.

However, this three-day weekend has empowered me to a new dream...  one that I know doable, functional and real without encroachment in every way.., that is: back.to drawing near to God's epistles and begin to sow a seed for repentance and forgiveness and spiritual wisdom.

What If...

You can imperil God's destiny/calling for your life...
My foretaste of it spans 3.5 decades. That is disconcerting, sounds like sheer stupidity or deplorable situation. No closure, whatsoever!
What if... a supposition that has engulfed you, a vital component of your  failed relationships and the underpinning element of every decision you had made whether they're relational, spiritual, financial and physical is the culprit? Should I just unleash the self-provoking thought that if I  had not compromised my values about love, would had it given me what I thought to be right or it  happened because I didn't do enough indulging, listening, and loving?
Can I also impose on other suppositions that just may be, I were and still impermeable when something is real.
My senses are telling me to say adieu and press forward but these feelings and emotions are a rummage to my soul & spirit...
Lord God, deliver me from all of these what "ifs" in my life, these are suppositions that had made me feel irrelevant, insignificant, and powerless.Let it be your blood that was shed @ the cross wash my insecurities, flaws, pride and weaknesses...Help me put my feet anchored on your Holy Word, and let  my pain in solitude that has squandered my being for so long  be rested on your shoulders and I pray and hope that after all these years, I see the light at the end of the tunnel shining through me!